


Abduct Me, Iwa-chan!

by dgalerab



Series: Oikawa and Iwaizumi's Grand Adventures [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alien Abduction Kink, Bondage, But Now I Can't Go Back, Crack, I should not have written this, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Roleplay, What Was I Thinking?, honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 09:29:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8573107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dgalerab/pseuds/dgalerab
Summary: Really, Iwaizumi should have even asked. All of this could have been avoided so easily.(AKA: One small step for Iwa-chan, one giant leap for Oikawa.)(AKA: This is exactly what you think it is. I'm sorry.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't even edit this because now that it is written I cannot bring myself to look at it again. I'm like 90% sure that I forgot to write where Iwaizumi takes Oikawa's clothes off but you know... You know what. I didn't sign up for good, logical porn, I signed up for shit, weird porn and I delivered.
> 
> Inspired by a conversation with FX_Vixen. I hope you're happy. (That wasn't meant to be a pun but YOU KNOW WHAT)

Iwaizumi wishes he’d never have noticed. It would have been so easy, just to not bring it up. Everything could have been avoided so easily… and yet, it was not.

Iwaizumi’s nightmare begins on a day that seems as innocent as any other day. He wakes to the love of his life and best friend snoring softly on his shoulder, blissfully drooling with a face that could have belonged to an angel if Oikawa hadn’t ruthlessly stolen it and draped it over his horrifying personality.

Iwaizumi kisses him gently on the forehead, though if he had known at the time what was to follow, he would have kissed him _angrily_ on the forehead, dammit. The kiss isn’t enough to wake Oikawa, who snores on, leaving Iwaizumi to appreciate his face without having to listen to all the obnoxious crap that usually spewed out of it.

Which is not to say that Iwaizumi isn’t happy to see Oikawa when he wakes, blinking up at him for a moment before stretching. Iwaizumi smiles at him and pulls him closer. “Good morning, Sleepykawa,” he murmurs, stroking up and down Oikawa’s bare spine.

“G’morning Iwa-chan,” Oikawa burbles, silky skin rubbing against Iwaizumi’s as he shifts and stretches, trying to wake up properly. “Mmmm. It’s Saturday.” He palms at Iwaizumi’s hips. “What are we doing today?”

“We’re gonna make breakfast and then we’re going to watch some of your dumb movies,” Iwaizumi says, nibbling at Oikawa’s ear. “And then I’m taking you out for dinner.”

“Sounds nice,” Oikawa murmurs, as Iwaizumi climbs on top of him and kisses him softly. “Though we may have to delay breakfast.”

“You’re a menace,” Iwaizumi growls, before diving back in.

It’s only after breakfast where things go wrong. They’re sprawled out together on the sofa, watching the second movie of the day. The first one was spent mostly with distracted make-outs, but Oikawa is actually watching this one, his head on Iwaizumi’s chest.

Iwaizumi is only halfway paying attention, the rest of his mind focused on feeling Tooru’s soft hair and watching his relaxed and excited face as he watches the movie eagerly.

This was his mistake, Iwaizumi decides much later. This was where he went wrong. Had he not been staring at his boyfriend like a creep instead of watching his movie with him, maybe this all would have never happened.

At a certain point in the film, Oikawa shifts in a very telling way, bringing one leg up a little closer and biting his lip. Iwaizumi would think that he wants to get back to making out, but Oikawa’s eyes are still fixed on the screen.

This is the second mistake. Iwaizumi just _has_ to know what’s got Oikawa interested like this. He looks up at the screen. A big, daunting alien looms over an attractive heroine who is strapped down on a gleaming table.

Honestly, Iwaizumi could have left it at that. _Sure_ , it’s kind of a disturbing thing to be turned on by, but they don’t have to _talk_ about it. Iwaizumi’s got some weird kinks that he doesn’t bring up. Maybe not this weird, but they’re weird.

But he doesn’t leave it at that. Instead, he blurts out, “Are you turned on by this?” like an _idiot._

Oikawa blinks up at him and goes entirely too red too fast for his spluttered “No!” to be believable.

“That’s so gross, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi groans, throwing a hand over his eyes. “You’re turned on by a girl who’s tied down and scared, that’s so…”

“It’s not like that!” Oikawa cries, blanching as he starts up. “I mean I don’t want… It’s not…” He’s going even redder.

“Oh my god,” Iwaizumi breathes. “Oh my _god_.”

“Don’t kinkshame me!” Oikawa squeaks.

“You’re turned on by the thought of being abducted by aliens,” Iwaizumi says, his voice flat. “Oh my god.”

 “It’s a common fetish, you know,” Oikawa says.

“Nooooo,” Iwaizumi moans. “No, I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know any more.”

“Well, it’s better than being into rape,” Oikawa huffs, crossing his arms.

“Low bar, Oikawa, _low bar_.”

“Oh my god, let’s just watch the movie.”

Iwaizumi grunts in agreement, and he makes an attempt, but now he can’t stop thinking about it. And clearly, neither can Oikawa, because after dinner, when they’ve fallen into bed and Iwaizumi is studiously tugging at Oikawa’s shirt, Oikawa suddenly says, “Do you think we could do that? You know, in bed?”

He doesn’t have to clarify what he meant because dammit, he _knows_ Iwaizumi has thought about it. “I swear to god,” he growls.

“You wouldn’t have to do much!” Oikawa protests. “Just… just call it probing, or something.”

He looks almost bashful about it and Iwaizumi likes that look on his face but he’s… there are limits. There are some things he won’t do for Oikawa. Surely, somewhere, there are limits. “I have never been less attracted to you,” he grunts sitting back.

Oikawa flops onto the bed. “So vanilla, Iwa-chan,” he whines.

Iwaizumi is going to bludgeon him to death. “I hate you,” he says.

They end up having sex anyway, good, aggressive, normal sex. It’s not like Iwaizumi is asking for much.

-X-

The thought doesn’t go away. In the following week, Iwaizumi notices a few tendencies that are either hilarious or really embarrassing. Or both. Oikawa is watching twice as many alien movies and making unfair faces at them, biting at his lips. He’s been slamming his laptop shut when Iwaizumi catches him, like he’s been caught watching porn.

He’s also been nudging Iwaizumi into wearing green.

The fourth day that Oikawa drifts through the room in the morning declaring that he looks utterly _ravishing_ in that green sweater, Iwaizumi takes a moment to consider, long and hard, that this is the man he’s chosen to love deeply for the rest of his life.

Oikawa doesn’t try to bring up his weird kinks during sex again, but he does give Iwaizumi _looks_ and Iwaizumi knows exactly what he means.

Iwaizumi wonders what he did to deserve this kind of fate.

Because, he thinks, when he sees it, it must be fate. It can’t be anything else. Fate brought him to Oikawa and now it’s subjecting him to Oikawa’s weird whims.

That’s how Iwaizumi ends up in a hallway in the theatre building glaring at a discarded morph suit. He doesn’t even _go here_ , he’s just delivering some homework he’d borrowed from a friend, and yet here it is before him, this hideously green suit that would work perfectly as an alien suit, laid neatly over a trash bin.

His friend must think he’s insane, glaring at the suit when he comes out to pick up the papers. “Is this up for grabs?” Iwaizumi asks, pointing at the mockery of free will.

“Huh? Uh, yeah,” his friend says. “Yeah, it’s got some fraying in… hah. Really awkward places.”

 _Oh my god_ , Iwaizumi thinks. He picks it up and folds it over his arm. “Thanks,” he says. His friend blinks at him, but he doesn’t ask, probably because he sees that inside, Iwaizumi is already going through the five stages of grief.

-X-

Iwaizumi is really glad they already have a safeword system, because if he had to negotiate now he would lose it. Fortunately, in the suit, no one can see him blush. Which he is, because he’s dressed as an alien in a suit that’s literally got a hole in it for his dick. And not even intentionally.

 _Is this really what my destiny has chalked up to_ , Iwaizumi thinks, before wrenching himself away from the bathroom mirror and out the door with a final whisper of _fuck_.

Fortunately, Oikawa is thoroughly distracted by the TV when he tiptoes out, allowing Iwaizumi to get the jump on him, pulling him over his shoulder in one swift move. “What the…” Oikawa breathes. “Iwa-chan what the _hell_.”

“You’re being abducted,” Iwaizumi says. _Fuck it_. He might as well try to go all out. He’s past the point of no return. “Uh… puny human?”

Oikawa’s breath shouldn’t hitch. He should be cracking up, if anything, but he doesn’t, he just goes limp and lets Iwaizumi toss him on the bed. Iwaizumi flips him onto his stomach and grabs the rope he’d prepared. “Uh… you remember the safeword system, right?”

“Green means ok, yellow means slow down, red means stop,” Oikawa intones. “Now _please_ …”

Iwaizumi wrenches his arms out from under him and then jerks them up onto the headboard to tie them. Oikawa gasps. “What… what are you going to do to me?” he asks, sounding far too  excited for the frightened play he’s trying to put on.

“I’m going to… to… oh hell,” Iwaizumi grunts. “I’m gonna probe you. I need… certain samples.”

Oikawa moans. “I don’t supposed you’ve got any tentacles?” he asks, slightly hopeful.

“Do I…” Iwaizumi splutters. “You know what? I also need a saliva sample. Open up.”

He grabs a sock from their drawer and shoves it in Oikawa’s mouth. Oikawa says something muffled and glares at Iwaizumi, but Iwaizumi ignores him, searching until he finds a silly little cat shaped switch they’d gotten as an anniversary gift from Makki and Mattsun. It lets out a little yowl when its head is pushed. He’s sure the duo would be overjoyed to know their gift is being used for weird sex.

“Press that if you need to stop, ok?” he asks.

Oikawa manages a nod, then wriggles his hips tauntingly. Iwaizumi groans and grabs the lube. “Stay still,” he grunts. “I don’t want to hurt you human, but if you don’t cooperate I will.”

He’s not sure if that’s what Oikawa is going for, but it seems to work, because Oikawa moans around the sock. Iwaizumi kind of wants to strangle him, but the satisfaction he would get out of that would almost certainly be ruined by the fact that he knows, deep down, that if he could think of an alien-related excuse for it, Oikawa would most certainly be even more turned on.

He squirts lube over his fingers and Oikawa’s backside and gets straight to the point. After all, why would an alien beat around the bush. Besides, it’s not like he could really kiss Oikawa like this. He presses one finger in from the get go, slowly but surely. Oikawa groans heartily, curving his back and tossing his head.

The stupid cat light stays silent, so Iwaizumi keeps going. He doesn’t take his time as much as usual, though he’s careful not to do anything too painful. He listens to Oikawa’s noises, but if Oikawa’s in pain, he’s enjoying it immensely, because he’s huffing and jerking and whining under Iwaizumi like he’s going out of his mind with want.

He keens when Iwaizumi presses the third finger in, cringing a little. This is so much faster and rougher than he’s used to, but in the end it’s Oikawa who’s going to be sore tomorrow and Oikawa very clearly does not care, bucking back to the best of his ability and tossing his head.

As weird as this is, seeing his eager squirming is doing a number on Iwaizumi too. He feels like he should say something alien-related, but it’s not like Iwaizumi has ever been _good_ with words, much less ready for this kind of situation. “Uh,” he says. “I’ll need a… a very large sample, so I’ll have to… to probe you a lot.”

Oh, god, this is so _awkward_ and _lame_.

But Oikawa mewls at the words, jerking back so Iwaizumi’s fingers grind into his prostate. He’s going _nuts_ , sounds just bubbling out of him as he _bounces_ , hands clenched around the ropes to steady himself as he moves.

Iwaizumi is captivated by the sight, the sheer desperation of Oikawa’s movements, and for a while he just curls his fingers into that little nub, letting Oikawa do the work with his unsteady jerking. He almost forgets about his boyfriend’s dripping cock, but as it turns out it doesn’t matter, because when he starts out of his stupefied reverie and meets Oikawa’s movements with a few steady, fast thrusts of his fingers, Oikawa comes untouched.

This is not something that’s happened often, and certainly not so fast, but it sure is something to see. Oikawa throws his head back, keening nearly to the point of screaming around the sock, riding Iwaizumi’s hand with a wild desperation that sets Iwaizumi’s stomach aflame.

“Shit,” he whispers, keeping up the thrusts until Oikawa’s mewling with oversensitivity. “I mean… uh…” Oikawa’s twitching with every one of his moves, whimpering like crazy through his gag, but he’s still going and Iwaizumi wants to see more. “… I’m n-not sure that’ll be adequate for our… our study.”

Oikawa lets out a moan from the back of his throat that makes Iwaizumi wish he hadn’t gagged him. It’s loud and eager and hot. Iwaizumi grabs his cock, getting a desperate jerk from Oikawa in response.

It takes a little while to work Oikawa back to hardness, rubbing his prostate in little circles and stroking his dick the way Iwaizumi knows he likes, but Oikawa keens and cries his way through it with choked little noises and scattered movements that Iwaizumi loves. He’s hopelessly hard in his pants and he hasn’t even touched himself yet.

The second orgasm is even more delightful to watch than the third. Oikawa’s dick is twitching and spilling all over Iwaizumi’s hand and he’s clawing at the ropes and kicking as Iwaizumi jerks him ruthlessly. The noises coming out of his mouth are beautiful, high whines and whimpers that are nearly screams. The muscles in his back are so tightly drawn that they could be made out of stone.

“Fuck,” Iwaizumi whispers, climbing over Oikawa and leaning in. Oikawa’s so eager that Iwaizumi is slowly forgetting to be embarrassed. “My superiors aren’t gonna be happy about this, but I’ve never seen a human as irresistible as you.”

Oikawa’s eyes slide back to look at him, and Iwaizumi leans in to whisper in his ear. “Not sure I’ll even get any more samples out of you, but I can’t help myself.” He presses his cock to the curve of Oikawa’s ass. It feels spectacular, and Oikawa’s eyes roll back as he rolls his hips. He moans something muffled and dripping with want.

Iwaizumi has to struggle a bit to get his dick out and lube it up, but it’s worth it for the feeling of sinking into Oikawa, hot and wet around him. Oikawa is still for once, letting him sink in inch by inch. “Oh fuck,” Iwaizumi whispers. Oikawa jerks back, as though to demand more.

Iwaizumi leans over him, tugging the sock out of his mouth and replacing it quickly with his fingers. “You feel good, human,” he whispers, and Oikawa chokes around his fingers, mouth hanging open and drooling as Iwaizumi prods into his mouth.

Oikawa closes his mouth and sucks, hard at his fingers, a little whimper clawing its way up his throat as he gives an exhausted bounce on Iwaizumi’s cock. He looks incredible, flushed and debauched and still ready to go, the ties on his hands keeping his back bent at a beautiful angle. Iwaizumi slides out just a little and eases back in.

Oikawa manages a garbled, “Harder,” around his fingers, so Iwaizumi pulls out and thrusts back in, as hard as he can go. Oikawa’s moans feel great along the pads of Iwaizumi’s fingers.

“Yeah? You like this, human?” he whispers. Oikawa nods frantically. “I suppose I won’t go easy on you, then.”

He gives another hard thrust, then another, and then lets go entirely, thrusting into Oikawa hard and fast enough that Oikawa can barely make a sound as he squirms and bounces under Iwaizumi, eyes rolling back and drool dripping along his chin as Iwaizumi’s fingers keep his mouth open.

The most he can manage are few tiny gasps, as though he’s struggling to breath at all. Iwaizumi shifts his angle and wrenches a cry out of Oikawa, renewing his tired attempts to meet Iwaizumi’s thrusts. He’s out of his mind with need, squirming with no regard for rhythm or grace, desperate to get off one more time.

Iwaizumi palms his cock, and Oikawa lets out a scream, jerking desperately into Iwaizumi’s hand. Iwaizumi has to take his other hand out of Oikawa’s mouth to steady himself, but Oikawa can’t make a sound anyway, mouth open in a cry that he just can’t get out.

He comes dry, shivering violently as he nearly collapses against the ties. He tightens erratically around Iwaizumi, and it sets Iwaizumi’s own overwhelming orgasm off. He squeezes his eyes shut as fireworks explode behind his eyes and he groans, giving a few last thrusts before collapsing entirely beside Oikawa.

“Oh fuck,” he whispers, trying to catch his breath. “Fuck.”

His chest is still heaving when he finally pulls himself together enough to sit up and untie Oikawa, who is at least twice as winded as he is, still shaking and struggling for air. “How are you feeling, babe?” he asks.

Oikawa just lets out a hysterical combination of a giggle and a whimper. “That was amazing, Iwa-chan,” he wheezes. “A+!”

 “You’re such a nerd,” Iwaizumi grumbles, undoing the suit. “I can’t believe you got off on this.”

“So did you,” Oikawa says with a cheeky grin.

“I got off on you, stupid,” Iwaizumi grunts, breathing deep as he finally gets the mask off his face. “And the fact that you were ready to fucking impale yourself on my fingers.”

“So _violent_ , Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi flicks him on the nose. He looks incredible, dripping with sweat and still breathing hard, hair mussed and eyes glassy. He looks like the picture of a well-fucked boyfriend. “Shit,” Iwaizumi whispers.

“So are we doing this again?” Oikawa says excitedly. “Because I have some ideas for how you could do tentacles. Of course, you’d have to blindfold me for…” Iwaizumi grabs his face, placing his palm over his mouth to shut him up.

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi says. “I know that I’ve just made a terrible mistake by proving to you once and for all that I will do _literally_ anything you ask, but at least… have a _little_ mercy on me, ok? Just give me a little time to mourn my dignity and all.”

Oikawa’s eyes twinkle at him over his hand and he gives him a cheeky thumbs up.

“I hate you,” Iwaizumi grunts, pulling his hand away.

“I love you too,” Oikawa says with a bright smile.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I guess if you made it this far you might as well leave a comment. Or you know, yell at me on [Tumblr](http://dgalerab.tumblr.com/) for even writing this.


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